Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
