It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No subtext here. People are naked.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
