Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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