He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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