Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
