What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
