i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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