cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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