Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
