I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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