so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just gift wrapped bread.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
