I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
