So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
