May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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