just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
