Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Come on in and take your pants off
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