I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
