you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
