remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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