Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
