so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
well you can't waste a boner
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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