Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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