sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
