So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
