I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize