He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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