I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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