I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
