You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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