Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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