Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's Friday. Sex?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
