Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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