from now on my penis is your penis
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize