you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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