I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
