I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I touched a dick in church today
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
