Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
