hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
