I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
