I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am full of burrito and curiosity
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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