I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
