It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize