In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
