I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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