I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize