I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
