I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
