If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
