he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
