Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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