So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
