it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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