Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
