No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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