dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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