Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
