i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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