Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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