I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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