just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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