worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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