I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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