Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
