She is in my trunk
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
