I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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