she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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