So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
