Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
