We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
