Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
