In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
