he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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