And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
