my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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