Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
