no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
