i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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