you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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